Wednesday 29 May 2002
Links for Tim Tams scandal
Any pleasure I may have felt at seeing that Burningbird linked to both my Moral Clarity and 100 Best Works of Fiction posts immediately evaporated when I read this footnote to her post, Literature Through the Ages:
I almost posted a third link to Mr. Delacour’s weblog today, to the Cuckoo story. However, my supply of Tim Tams is running low and if he wants triple linking, he’ll have to pay up.
My distress was compounded when I saw Will Leshner’s contribution to the comments:
So *that’s* how you get Tim Tams. Very interesting. Thanks :)
Burningbird’s blatant demand for Tim Tams in exchange for links is a damaging enough slur on my character. But Will’s remark (smiley notwithstanding) carries the unmistakeable implication that other Burningbird links to my posts have been made on the basis of favors received, not the quality of my thought or my writing.
It is a matter of public record that the six packets of Tim Tams were a gift from the entire Australian Delegation, rather than from me personally. Unfortunately, the damage to my reputation has been done.
I strongly believe that U Blog faculty members have a special responsibility to act in accordance with the highest standards of blogging practice. Accordingly, I have no recourse but to raise the issue with the University of Blogaria Ethics Committee (assuming such a body exists) and ask that Burningbird—who is in reality Shelley Powers, the Alfred E. Newman Foundation Professor of International Blogging Relations—be given an official reprimand.
Since Burningbird has been known on occasion to Do a Dave, I have taken the precaution of making a screen capture of her demand, which I tender as Exhibit A:
If the Committee rules that Burningbird has not behaved improperly, I would ask that an official link exchange rate be agreed upon and published. I suggest the following as a starting point for the deliberations:
- 1 link = one Tim Tam biscuit
- 10 links = one packet of Tim Tams
- 25 links = one Dishmatique
- 2500 links = one Kinesis Classic Contoured Keyboard
Permalink
Be forewarned: the CIA has evidence that a weblog in your vicinity may be the front for an international band of Tim Tam smugglers.
You may be approached by agents of the US government within the next few days to determine your guilt, ah, innocence in regards to this smuggling organization. You might also be asked questions about a possible organization known within the intelligence community only as The University of Blogaria.
Though seemingly an institute of higher learning, we, ah, certain people were suspicious when the school brought on not only Burningbird, but several other people currently under surveillance including "Dizzy the Cat", the nom de plum of that infamous master spy, Dizario Catosnos.
You are being watched.
Signed
A Friend
Deepblogger beware.
Remember that we in the real CIA [Cats in Anger] have seven lives -- minimum!
I freely admit I do not have the full seven left, and we don''t need to go into specific details, except to say that confusing the working end of a Dishmatigue with a coffee-flavoured Tim Tam might have had someone to do with one terminal incident.
Bloody hell. I see Burningbird scored 25 links to you Jonathon - that's one Dishmatique.
Personally, I would have stopped at 20 for two packets of Tim Tams.
Bet she realises the mistake and makes five of the links disappear overnight ;-)
J. - I tried to bribe you with cashew brittle from the Bird, but no response. As a tenured U Blog faculty member, I am upset by this tim tam matter. I was supposing to get 8-24 links from you and Shelley as the runner for your cashew brittle, acting as the intermediary, so to speak. What, now tim tams? I must go think on this matter.
Dear Jonathon,
I don't know how you expect to sway the ethics committee without lots of links to our pages. I know Shelley's ready to do some serious linking for her side to prevail. . . .
Hey, Jeneane--I'd like the pecan brittle!
How many ill-earned links must I chip from my integrity and cast in an antipodean direction to procure a case of sweet, sweet Bundaberg Ginger Beer? How many more for the shipping?
Not that I would do such a thing... I'm asking purely in the interest of research.
Yeah, that's it, research.
What the heck is a Tim Tam?
Heartless Thing, we're on to you!
Jeneane per new arrangement (*wink* *wink*) your shipment of "religious material" (*nudge* *nudge*), now has a new destination.
A certain seminary in Chicago. To a certain man known to the masses as AKMA.
For the 2500 links, could we claim it was really 250 of the 10-link version and get 250 packets of Tim Tams? I'm betting I'm going to *love* Tim Tams :)
Burn the Bird, Burn the Bird
This discussion is now closed. My thanks to everyone who contributed.
© Copyright 2002-2003 Jonathon Delacour
Be forewarned: the CIA has evidence that a weblog in your vicinity may be the front for an international band of Tim Tam smugglers.
You may be approached by agents of the US government within the next few days to determine your guilt, ah, innocence in regards to this smuggling organization. You might also be asked questions about a possible organization known within the intelligence community only as The University of Blogaria.
Though seemingly an institute of higher learning, we, ah, certain people were suspicious when the school brought on not only Burningbird, but several other people currently under surveillance including "Dizzy the Cat", the nom de plum of that infamous master spy, Dizario Catosnos.
You are being watched.
Signed
A Friend
Posted by: Deepblogger on 28 May 2002 at 05:30 PM