Jonathon Delacour the heart of things

Fighting terrorism with third-rate tools

When I got back from the pool this afternoon my anti-terrorism pack was on the doorstep. I’d been expecting it with a strong sense of anticipation since, according to various TV and newspaper reports, it contained a fridge magnet. And, although I throw junk mail away without even looking at it, I’m a sucker for a fridge magnet. I immediately picked up the anti-terrorism pack and tried to locate the telltale outline of the fridge magnet within the plastic wrapping. Nothing. The package seemed quite flat.

When I opened it, however, along with AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE PRIME MINISTER and a 20 page Let’s look out for Australia: Protecting our way of life from a possible terrorist threat booklet, there was an ersatz fridge magnet.

In other words, an 11cm x 19.5cm (4.3in x 7.7in) piece of cardboard with a small magnetic strip on the reverse side.

My fellow Australians and I (the Prime Minister’s IMPORTANT MESSAGE begins “Dear fellow Australian…”) are supposed to fill in a range of important details, such as the phone numbers of the nearest police station and hospital and the location of the water meter and electricity switchboard.

In addition, we are exhorted to contact the 24-hour National Security Hotline (1800 123 400) “to report suspicious activity that may be a sign of terrorism and need investigation by security agencies.”

The booklet lists the Possible Signs of Terrorism:

• Unusual videotaping or photography of official buildings or other critical infrastructure
• Suspicious vehicles near significant buildings or in busy public places
• Suspicious accommodation needs
• Unusual purchases of large quantities of fertilizer, chemicals, or explosives
• A lifestyle that doesn’t add up
• False or multiple identities

“My fellow Australians and I have been conned,” I thought to myself. A fridge magnet is a durable plasticized rectangle with a magnetized rear surface to ensure that it sits flush on the enamel freezer compartment door.

A proper fridge magnet will give years of reliable service—in fact, if necessary, you can even clean a fridge magnet in warm soapy water or give it a quick once-over with your (non-scratch white) Dishmatique. How long will this piece of flimsy cardboard posing as a fridge magnet last? Three months, at most. Less if you knock it off the refrigerator door in your haste to check the location of the gas meter.

And yet the Frequently Asked Questions section of the Let’s look out for Australia booklet contains the following:

How long will Australia be on heightened security alert?

• It is likely that we will be living with increased security for the forseeable future.
• Terrorism has changed the world and security may never return to the relaxed levels most of us grew up with.

“For the forseeable future.” That’s exactly how long a genuine fridge magnet is designed to last. If the Australian government had given this some careful thought, they could have scrapped the Prime Minister’s IMPORTANT MESSAGE, trimmed the booklet to ten pages (keeping the first aid and “what to do in an emergency” tips plus the multilingual information) and used the savings to give us proper fridge magnets. Because you can’t fight terrorism with a shoddy cardboard imitation.

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