Saturday 21 September 2002

Lick this, Candidia

What’s with Candidia Cruickshanks?

It amuses me to read Blog-Doctors of the Body Politic who diagnose but neither cure nor create. They are voyeurs who criticize as clichés the instrumentalities of Power, from whose use they are precluded by their own good taste.

She’s talking about the attack Joe Duemer and I mounted against sentimental kitsch:

Of course Brands, Brand Culture, Patriotism Speeches, are Free Market Kitsch. I am not a cultural elitist. I give my Fellow Consumers what they understand: clichés, CyberSex, Hollywood Epics, and in R/T Wars of Good against Evil. A Metaphysical Brothel for the Emotions? Do you have any idea how profitable Wealth Bondage is? You say my boots are in bad taste. Then why are they covered in spit? Who licks your boots, little men?

I’m surprised that a self-described Social Venture Entrepreneur and Philanthropist is unable to distinguish between theory and practice. I’m amazed Candidia does not recognize that embittered anti-sentimentalists like Joe and myself are ideally qualified to run a high-grossing Wealth Bondage franchise in any major city in the world. I’m flabbergasted that Candidia uses so crass an indicator as spittle-encrusted boots to evaluate one’s prowess as a Teacher, Jester, Moralist, and Disciplinarian.

Stop fantasizing about the Cellular Hydrating Serum, Candidia, and use the spit off your boots. Talk to The Tutor and Minim about giving us a territory. Say, Hanoi or Tokyo… or both. Cut us a deal. We’ll teach you a thing or two about profitability.

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