Thursday 30 October 2003

Mega Memory™

Do you suffer from these symptoms?

  • Poor Concentration?
  • Short Term Memory Loss?
  • Slow Mental Ability?
  • Mental Exhaustion?
  • Mental Fatigue?
  • Clogged Mind?
  • Forgetfulness?
  • Blankness?
  • Poor Recall?

You may need Mega Memory™!

Mega Memory packageI doubt I would ever have heard of Mega Memory™ had I not mislaid my mobile phone a few months ago. Perhaps I left it in a hotel room—or it might be somewhere in my house. I was packing to go to Melbourne at the beginning of last month and couldn’t find the handset anywhere so I called Telstra to see if anyone had been using it but the customer service representative said that there hadn’t been any calls made from that phone for six weeks. I had her put a bar on the number, just in case. On Monday morning, having finally decided to replace it, I drove to the nearest Telstra shop to choose a new phone and (hopefully) a cheaper monthly plan.

On the way I tuned the car radio to 2UE so I could listen to John Laws, the thinking person’s Rush Limbaugh. I spend so much of my life in a left-liberal ghetto that if I’m in the car on a weekday between 9am and midday—I never turn on the radio at home—I like to catch up via Lawsie with what the majority of Australians think and believe. Which is how I heard the Mega Memory™ advertisement.

Since I started my crash course in reading Japanese a few months ago, I’ve been suffering this low-level anxiety about how I’ll ever remember the twelve hundred kanji and thousands of compound words that I need to know in order to read even tolerably well. On the way home from the Telstra shop—with a new Nokia phone and a ten-dollar-a-month-cheaper plan—I thought briefly about stopping at a pharmacy but decided to wait. I’ve always been skeptical about vitamin supplements—they’re only of any use if your dietary vitamin intake is inadequate and I make sure my diet is healthy and well-balanced.

But on my way back from the pool yesterday afternoon, I dropped by the local pharmacy and walked over to the vitamin section where Karen, the pharmacist, was arranging the stock on the shelves. I asked her if she had any Mega Memory™.

“We sure do,” she replied, plucking a blue packet off the shelf and handing it to me. I was instantly reassured by the picture of the brain, which seems to be pulsing with billions of easily retrievable facts. I turned the package over and read the blurb on the side:

Mega Memory™ is a blend of traditional herbs combined with a special selection of vitamins and amino acids, which help nourish and support healthy brain and memory function. Mega Memory™ may also help to improve alertness, better recall, clear your mind, enhance mental ability, help you think quicker, improve your accuracy and memory retention. Great for students, or anyone who needs to retain a lot of information in a short space of time!

“Do you think it’s actually any good?” I asked her.

“I think it might be. A guy came back after taking it for a few weeks and told me he’d started to remember all these events from his childhood. It contains Gingko biloba and Brahmi which are both supposed to enhance your memory.”

I read the blurb again: Great for students, or anyone who needs to retain a lot of information in a short space of time! That’s definitely me, I thought to myself. I need to retain a lot of kanji and compounds in a short space of time.

I looked at the Consumer Information Panel on the back and saw that Mega Memory™ also contains Schizandra chinensis and Gotu Kola, plus a dozen other ingredients.

“I’ll take it,” I told Karen and followed her back to the cash register.

“That’ll be $29.95,” she said. “Cash or credit?”

“Credit,” I replied, opening the pocket of my sports bag, only to find a $5 note and my gym membership card.

“Oh, I forgot to bring my credit card,” I explained. “I don’t like to take my wallet or a lot of cash to the pool.”

Karen burst out laughing. “You might need this more than you realize.”

Cover, Kevin Trudeau's Mega MemoryI went back and picked up the Mega Memory™ pills later that afternoon. So far, I’ve taken two but I realize it might take a month or so until I start to see the benefit.

There’s also a book, Kevin Trudeau’s Mega Memory: How To Release Your Superpower Memory In 30 Minutes Or Less A Day.

Mega Memory watchI’m trying to read less in English and more in Japanese so the chemical approach is probably best for me. But Karen is a savvy businesswoman so it might be worth suggesting to her that she do a cross-marketing deal with the bookshop two doors up the street: buy a six month supply of Mega Memory™ pills and get the Kevin Trudeau book free.

There’s even a Mega Memory watch, with an integrated 128MB flash drive and a built-in USB cable that tucks neatly into the watch band. Reliable Mass Storage Solution On Your Wrist. I could use it to back up my LexiKAN Flash Card files.

I’m feeling pretty optimistic about the whole Mega Memory concept. I’ll keep you posted on how it works out.

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Comments

"I’ve always been skeptical about vitamin supplements..."

me too. after reading that, i expected to read about how your mind was changed, and then consider changing my own. but since you haven't seen any benefit yet, this ended up reinforcing my skepticism. i look forward to hearing about the future results.

Posted by scott reynen on 31 October 2003 (Comment Permalink)

Let me know if it works. Or, better yet, remind me to check back here and see what you've posted.... ;-)

Posted by Lisa on 31 October 2003 (Comment Permalink)

I was a bit suspicious when Kevin Trudeau, onetime subject of an infomercial (hosted by Danny Bonaduce IIRC), turned up as host of another infomercial plugging someone else's memory thingy. But I forget why.

Posted by Anthony on 31 October 2003 (Comment Permalink)

I forgot what I was going to say :-)

Posted by The Dynamic Driveler on 4 November 2003 (Comment Permalink)

[Removed (spam)]

Posted by omor on 20 November 2003 (Comment Permalink)

Jonathon, did you forget to blog?

Posted by Shelley on 20 November 2003 (Comment Permalink)

This discussion is now closed. My thanks to everyone who contributed.

© Copyright 2007 Jonathon Delacour